Call of Duty: Black Hops III is by far one of the strangest video games I have ever played. Mainly because no playing was involved, only drinking. Also it’s not a video game. It’s a beer. And as we know alcohol is the second cousin of video games, both sharing common ground as a reliable form of destructive escapism for those of us who are tired of this miserable waking existence called “life”. So like a tried and true annually released franchise wherein the prime objective is to predictably mass murder virtual humans, this beer like all others is for guzzling down your throat shoot and patiently waiting for the effects of intoxication to kick in. Unfortunately drowning myself in fermented goodness would not be possible on this occasion, opportunity presenting only one 330ml bottle. Which I guess could be likened to sampling a demo, or a modern AAA release wherein 75% of the game is reserved for season pass DLC.
After fumbling around for a bottle opener (which really shouldn’t be hard to find in this house) I poured the dark, adequately heady broth into a tall glass and indulged myself. Immediately my tongue rolled around a sharp, coffee-like bitterness before my taste buds became submerged in rich hops. The two potencies combined for a crisp, bitter flavour, mellowing out into a mildly fruity after taste. Black Hops III stood out as a dark and hoppy, bitter yet palatable crisp pale ale. Future iterations could maybe tone down the hops a tiny little bit, as while I’m happy to indulge in a hoppy brew a smidge more subtitlity in that area could go a long way in bringing the flavours together. I’d also be curious to see a smoked variety, not unlike Three Ravens Smoked Stout, but if I had it my way everything would be smoked.
My final score is pretty good promo beer / 10. Would drink (in plentiful quantities) again.
Adam’s Take
Story:
Call of Duty: Black Hops III tells the story of a video game publisher discovering a reasonable pun and throwing their weight behind it a hundred percent. It’s a post-modern analysis of terrorism, counter-terrorism, trans-humanism and drinking games, which seems to build to a big climax, but disappoints when you discover the slab is empty. 7/10
Graphics:
Black Hops III lives up to its name with dark caramel colours, presenting itself as a heavier brew than it actually is. As a ‘Midnight Pale Ale’, it’s a much lighter and well-rounded beer than you might expect. The developers have taken advantage of modern technology to create a presentation that is creative and surprising. The label is nice and shiny too. 8/10
Sound:
The bottlecap made a pleasing cling when it hit the counter. 5/10
Gameplay:
I tried to play Black Hops III on my PlayStation 4, but unfortunately the developers haven’t taken into account the size of the bottle and the system. Black Hops III would simply not fit in my PlayStation 4, and all attempts to make it fit resulted in a lot of smoke and broken glass. 1/10
Overall:
Smoky, oaky notes and a dark colour belay the beverage’s true nature as a pale ale, created under the dark wizardry of Black Hops Brewing. While Call of Duty: Black Hops III is a bold new step for the franchise, it ultimately under-delivers with a gameplay experience I could only describe as ‘unplayable’. If you wanted to drink it, however, it’s a ripper sip for fans of dark beers.
[Editor’s note: May have to come up with a different rating system for beers]
Call of Duty Black Hops III can be ordered online.
